the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
