This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
