it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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