why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
