I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
