I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
