Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
