I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
