I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
