I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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