Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
