she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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