Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
