he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it glows. i had to have it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
