So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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