i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
