I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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