Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
