so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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