Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
