It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
