Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
