She is in my trunk
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
