the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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