So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
