feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
