I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
