Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
