This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
