He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
