Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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