I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
