my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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