so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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