There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
