you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
