White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
