"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
