I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
