How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
