well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
