remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
