all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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