I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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