All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
