Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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