her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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