when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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