I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
