So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
