Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
